i can't believe i had my finger in that
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
