the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
