if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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