Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
