If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
