Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
