So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
