ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
