Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My balls are so social today.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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