Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
