It's like a parade of train wrecks.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
