You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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