I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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