I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
