dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
