I want to have your abortion
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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