Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the condom got lost in my hair
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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