we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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