White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
