So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
