U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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