I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
