I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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