the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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