Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Pooping to opera.
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