Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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