she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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