We won't sleep together?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
