Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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