i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
