Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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