oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
