Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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