I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
