YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
two words...techno handjob
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
