I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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