I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
