Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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