I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
