oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
