Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
