I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
