So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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