Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
