that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
