Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
