I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
