I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
