ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
