New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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