I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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