I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
