It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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