I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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