Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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