So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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