Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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