never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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