the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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