I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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