I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
